Top Ten's
April 11, 2001
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Top 10 Reasons to Ask Your Boss for a Raise 10. You take your paycheck to the bank and the teller bursts out in hysterical laughter. 9. The Red Cross calls and offers you emergency assistance. 8. Your only charge cards are for the Salvation Army, ARC, and DAV thrift stores. 7. You work full time and you still qualify for food stamps. 6. You empty out your piggy bank and then cook the bank and serve it for your Easter ham. 5. All you can think about morning, noon and night is clipping grocery coupons. 4. You file your income taxes and the IRS returns them stamped, "Charity Case -- Return To Sender." 3. You set the world record for mailing $1.00 rebate requests to Young America, Minnesota. 2. You pay all your bills, put your remaining $1 bill into your billfold and it goes into shock. 1. You get arrested for taking the coins out of the fountain in the mall.
Top 10 Signs Your Cat is Planning to Kill You! 1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden. 2. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill. 3. He actually _does_ have your tongue. 4. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch. 5. Cyanide pawprints all over the house. 6. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed. 7. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip. 8. Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on. 9. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper. 10. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
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